Same Boat, Different River

You are with a friend, when you are asked “Have you heard about Jane”? “No”, you reply, “What happened”? The friend replies, “Her husband has been in a coma for the last few days and the doctors aren’t sure he’s going to live.” “Oh my, how awful, where did you hear that”, you ask. Well, it was on Facebook, you know where I get all my news. Just look, you’ll be able to read all about what’s happened. So you look, and sure enough, there are the posts, so many of them. And unless you take a sabbatical, there isn’t enough time to read all of the post responses. But, like watching a train wreck, we are glued to the posts, the updates and the responses. I have often wondered why this happens. We may not have even known the person, maybe only read their books, heard their songs, or know someone, who knows someone, who knows them…and we are hooked. Pregnancy and childbirth stories rank at the top of stories we love to follow and talk about. I dare say there isn’t a mother around who didn’t hear childbirth stories while she was pregnant, and especially with her first child. Some of them so scary they should be outlawed, if you know what I mean. Daily we are bombarded with stories evoking a multitude of responses from us. Laughter, tears, curiosity, awe, shock, anger, despair, jealousy, love, etc., etc. What causes this? A belief, a sense, a memory that we, or someone we love has “been in the same boat”. Just listen in a funeral home as caring mourners pass by the family and you will hear someone say “I’m so sorry…I know exactly how you feel, I’ve been in the same boat”. Maybe you just lost a child, and they lost a sister, you are burying your spouse, and they buried a child, you have a chronic illness and they know someone who had cancer and the list goes on and on. We all have abilities to empathize and sympathize with others, but sometimes we must go beyond the evoked response that comes from our experiences and realize that although we are in the same boat, we are on a different river, some smooth, some choppy, some raging rapids, but we are all trying to navigate the waters of life. When the doctor pronounces diagnoses of cancer, heart disease or diabetes, chances are there will be a pattern to the illness. Stages, processes, pamphlets and so on. We frequently ask “what stage is your cancer?” That answer helps us understand where a person is headed and what they will encounter. However, when the doctor pronounces the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis (MS), you have a whole new ball game. Jim has more lesions than John, but Jim is still walking while John is wheelchair confined. or Mary looks perfectly normal in her appearance and no one understands why she doesn’t accomplish more than she does. After all, what did she do all day? I am in the boat of chronic illness, MS to be exact, and the river I am navigating is the role of spouse and care giver. Countless people are looking for someone in “their boat”, on “their river”. I’m sure Google could confirm this daily, hourly even. My hope is that this journey will help and encourage you. So come along with me, and together we can help each other paddle along, as we navigate the waters of life.